Upstairs they are constantly remodeling.

For the last week it has been a mess of paperwork, keynotes, references, rehearsals, group meetings, and friends.
I have come to find that I really wouldn't have it any other way.

My upstair neighbors are moving furniture again I believe. At first it sounded like they were running around the apartment, then it sounded like they were having certain relations all about the apartment, now it sounds like one of them is a VERY heavy walker who is majoring in interior design moving about heavy objects at all hours and possibly has a peg leg as well. Of course this reminded me of a certain movie that freaked me out (LTS you know what I am referring too!) but, alas when I met them today they were supper nice. How am I suppose to say, "What the heck do you people do at midnight that causes my whole apartment to fill with noise?....STOP THAT!" No, that's just rude. Well two more days right, I mean I am sure they don't realize..maybe this is their first time living in an upstairs apartment. The first level people never know how much noise they really make till someone lives above them, or bitches at them for their commotion.

My life has taken a turn for the better in that I am truly just happy. It's been way too long and when people around me are not shinning to their fullest I am tending to almost explode with the excitement I am tying to bring them. I have realized I truly enjoy caring for people and making people happy, yes it can be draining but I live off of smiles I guess you could say. Like a musician or artist inspires through their art I like to drive and inspire others to continue forth for the better though simply acts like listening and giving nice gestures. Nice little gestures mean the world to me. It has never been about gifts or big to-do's but more so remembering something from a conversation, or someone's name, listening close enough to interact with someone on a level no one else in the room even bothered to search for.

For the past few weeks when I sit to clear my mind and silence fills my mind I heard nothing other than the pounding of my heart trying to fight my mind in decision making. However, over the past two days the silence is filled with peace.
Peace is defined by dictionary.com as a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations. That's how I feel in my mind at PEACE with everything I am doing and saying. I feel alive again and connected to and with more than I have been in a while. I feel unstoppable and when the silence kicks in I can hear music playing in my mind (not in a crazy white jacket way) but a beautiful melody of pure bliss. I am at peace with my self and as this chapter closes I could not ask for anything more.

I'm in repair,
I am not together but, I am getting there.


:-)

Wishing you peace, at least with your mind.
Cait

I keep blogging in my head.

Now I have progressed to blogging by myself out loud.

Sorry to disappoint.

The world was beautiful this morning.

Yesterday I get a wedding invitation, some picture mail of my friend getting engaged back home, my other friend being surprised by the one she is in love with, my father buying my mother the most the most wonderful present (he never gets one so this must be a year) I have ever seen for her birthday, and this morning there is a male cat trying to climb the tree to Cali as she sits in the window.

UGH!

As beautiful as the morning was it would have been lovely sharing it with someone else. Seeing the sun rise above the clouds, listening to music as the summer breeze swayed us into the day, the world was incredible this morning. I am so blessed to be sharing in my friends wonderful journeys of life...however,


I miss you kicking me in your sleep as we lay next to each other, when the morning sun peeked through my window.

Blank.

"Then one days its over changed my number to cut my line. Good love is on the way."

I have no clue where I want to go in the next few weeks.
I have no clue how I feel about my feelings with the whole situation
I am blanking to much and missing the living part.

But I am still smiling..

because you know what..good love is on the way.

In any form I will take it. Friendship, happiness, a job, laughter, money, photography, hell even BAKING!

Good love is on the way.
Good love is on the way.
Good love
Good love
Good is on the way.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

he is going to want a glass of milk.

Yea, that sounds about right. Only problem is there are not enough cookies in my hand to give out to those asking for one. The even bigger problem would be that milk is 3.49 a gallon and who has money for that much milk?

Artist blog on the one and only Johnny Mayer soon...I just can't stop reading the blogs long enough to write my own.
Absolute John Mayer kick right now that is feeding my soul.

I really don't think this could have been said SIMPLER to me in this moment of my life. Thanks John.
http://www.johnmayer.com/blog/permalink/5522

Cait

Pondering...

The time change is throwing me off but in adverse effect so ....I am still awake.

Sitting in the hotel while everyone is sleeping and listening to Sufjan, he really has made this trip something new for me. I am so utterly confused. Nashville, New York, Cali, New York, Cali, Nashville. This trip was suppose to help was it not? I go to New york and instantly am turned off, I was so in love with the hustle and bustle of the city but now it just drains me. I get a sense of urgency and want to get things done but at the same time between my calmer attitude verses two years ago and for the fact it is hands down the most expensive of the three I will pass for now. It will be slightly difficult to do Matt's project from here but, well I will figure that out. Got to Nashville and was a bit hesitant on the fact it seemed to spaced out and small town ... the longer I spent here tho I really began to enjoy it. Music Row alone gives me chills with what seems to be a few hundred companies, but jobs are jobs and they are all full right now. Then today in the mist of job hunting I get offered a student internship at Sony, however, the rep for Sony student internships is being used, abused and then left with no sense of even being able to move on...oh yea and its expensive ...very... oh and I have no one to live with... this trip really has done nothing but confuse me. I feel like I have found somewhere that I can be happy and then something else comes along... what next LONDON? (yes prease!)

I need a bottle of wine and a good listener to help me figure this out...

I started a side project on this road trip "The need to belong; ... I haven't come up with the rest of it. I began taking pictures in New York of those belonging and the lengths they go to belong, I am attempting to see those in my pictures who are attempting but failing, attempting but hating it and attempting successfully to their surroundings.

Something along those lines....

I think this is speaking volumes of what I am feeling right now, I hope they help me find the answers.

A few moments to myself.

As I sit in the New York studio apartment I am at a loss almost. TODAY WAS CRAZY! Finally got that camera charger I have been dying for to only find out the last pictures I took were in DECEMBER...oh gesh!

Today began again hunting for a place to park after getting into the city at midnight then drinking with the boys. Spent the afternoon running around attempting to navigate the subway, worked on Matt's production, met the photographer www.zachgross.com and the designer. This budget is getting more and more crazy and now I have to find an engineer....oh wait, half of everyone I know is an engineer lol. Matt and I ate after that at a little cuban restaurant where I ate Ox tale, a bit on the salty side but delish! Then the LONG LONG LONG trek into the heart of Central Park where I DID NOT have my camera but I will tomorrow!

Pictures soon?

Happy 4th!