Upstairs they are constantly remodeling.

For the last week it has been a mess of paperwork, keynotes, references, rehearsals, group meetings, and friends.
I have come to find that I really wouldn't have it any other way.

My upstair neighbors are moving furniture again I believe. At first it sounded like they were running around the apartment, then it sounded like they were having certain relations all about the apartment, now it sounds like one of them is a VERY heavy walker who is majoring in interior design moving about heavy objects at all hours and possibly has a peg leg as well. Of course this reminded me of a certain movie that freaked me out (LTS you know what I am referring too!) but, alas when I met them today they were supper nice. How am I suppose to say, "What the heck do you people do at midnight that causes my whole apartment to fill with noise?....STOP THAT!" No, that's just rude. Well two more days right, I mean I am sure they don't realize..maybe this is their first time living in an upstairs apartment. The first level people never know how much noise they really make till someone lives above them, or bitches at them for their commotion.

My life has taken a turn for the better in that I am truly just happy. It's been way too long and when people around me are not shinning to their fullest I am tending to almost explode with the excitement I am tying to bring them. I have realized I truly enjoy caring for people and making people happy, yes it can be draining but I live off of smiles I guess you could say. Like a musician or artist inspires through their art I like to drive and inspire others to continue forth for the better though simply acts like listening and giving nice gestures. Nice little gestures mean the world to me. It has never been about gifts or big to-do's but more so remembering something from a conversation, or someone's name, listening close enough to interact with someone on a level no one else in the room even bothered to search for.

For the past few weeks when I sit to clear my mind and silence fills my mind I heard nothing other than the pounding of my heart trying to fight my mind in decision making. However, over the past two days the silence is filled with peace.
Peace is defined by dictionary.com as a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, esp. in personal relations. That's how I feel in my mind at PEACE with everything I am doing and saying. I feel alive again and connected to and with more than I have been in a while. I feel unstoppable and when the silence kicks in I can hear music playing in my mind (not in a crazy white jacket way) but a beautiful melody of pure bliss. I am at peace with my self and as this chapter closes I could not ask for anything more.

I'm in repair,
I am not together but, I am getting there.


:-)

Wishing you peace, at least with your mind.
Cait