Natural me.

Sometimes I wonder what gives you the guts to do what you do. I doubt everything about us because how could this be real if you act this way. You give a little then run. I don't want to let go, I never wanted to let go, why does it have to happen this way. How can we be so different yet so alike and if so why do we end up in these circles that give you all the cards. How can you walk into my life wanting everything about my new life and just walk out as you please...I try not to let it, but it hurts so much.

It's unbearable sometimes the things that are so beautiful to us until they become destroyed, ruined by something most people call life or fate. What if the fate is not light that ignites the wild fire bringing everything to ashes that seem to coke the lungs of the two who die holding hands. What if this fate is ruled by mistakes..people..are always apologizing but never for any situation they knew they did until you lay it in front of them (in these situations anyway). Those two lovers seem to die in the moment that becomes infinite to each party in their separate lives. They play out the scene over and over and the two lovers just stare into the other's eyes where they see forever tunnel into heaven.

I am so tired of being the girl that when you fall for, that you say you can't have enough of, that inspires you, that makes you want to be better. I am so tired of them coming back and wanting happy me, smiling me , natural me.... maybe you have ruined natural me. Taking all my compassion and energy, all of my heart that I have to give. You leave and find yourself and when you run out of the life force that drives you then what...you can just come back and look for my help. Then when i need you.... your no where to be found. The tunnel that seems to go on forever that I see only when I sleep gets dimmer and the forces driving me fades.

Natural me is so hard to find somedays because of all that I have given to you.