Exception.

It is comforting to know that possibly no one reads this anymore. Almost as comforting as it was when I knew people did read it. Gosh I am a mess of emotions right now and possibly I will be hesitant to leave this up for long but for now it's purpose is to let me confess and just let go of everything.

God knows i don't have anyone to confide in anymore. I guess I am being completely non-human by saying that I am tired of this concept that we are pretty much alone. I am so tired of people just fading in an out and just once and a while I would like some of them to stick around, maybe not in a physical sense but in any other would really do. I miss when people use to send letters, that was effort, that was caring, the gracefulness of the written word to ease someone's troubles. What troubles Cait? Your fine. Maybe that's it, perhaps I am fine and not fine. Content but not satisfied in being content. I am trying to be self sufficient and work without someone while everyone else works with someone. Everyone, I mean jesus when was the last time I relied on someone? Always I am the shoulder that someone wants to lean on and once just once I thought that perhaps I had found that shoulder, then it turns the other way, again. The day to day isn't the worst, I love what I am doing and the complete freedom is so much I am overflowing with freedom! I don't need to be someone's "one that got away" I don't need to be that i don't need some soap opera, I just would LIKE to have a glimpse of what I had before. In a friend, a family member, a long lost friend, anyone. The frustration of being emotional and wanting someone to just be able to tell all the wired thoughts and dreams and ideas and not have to tell someone something but not something else because they do not "like that" or "approve" is so over-bearing. Sigh. They say this is all growing up but I believe it is a constant battle everyone goes through everyday, no matter how young or old. I am also not emotionally enjoying that the one person I had found wont speak to me. Or that the people I have found to share find bits and pieces with will prob not be around by the time there is snow on the ground, not here but, in somewhere cold where people cuddle under blankets, near a fire. Canada, now that sounds lovely, eh? Maybe because it doesn't snow in this fire pit of a state I will luck out with this fate for the time being.

Emotions are beautiful and amazing ( as a pisces they say I am overflowing with emotions) but currently they are reeking havoc on my mind. Arn't there two fish in this sign? Where is my other fish...I hope not stuck in that mess of oil they call the ocean.

Off to conquer the week. Good luck ex readers.